Family discussions may be bathed in love, history, and mutually agreed upon humor, but they may also be patience-trying, particularly when children become adults. Parents tend to talk based on a habit, a concern, or the other generational point of view, whereas adult children appreciate the importance of independence and personal frontiers. What a caring person would consider friendly might seem scolding or even disparaging to another. Such communication gaps would be easier to understand, thereby making communication less stressful. A lot of the phrases that people say are not even intended to aggravate, and still create tension.
“When I Was Your Age…”
This analogy usually reads like a lecture as opposed to a narrative. It may seem like present misfortunes are being downplayed even when it is intended to give advice. Adult children can experience that their experiences are being compared with another time and context and this can be distance rather than closeness.
“You Should Be Doing More”
Ambition is individual and this can be taken to mean as pressure or criticism. Their adult children might be dealing with responsibility that is not evident. What appears motivation to a parent may be perceived as disregard of effort and improvement.
“Why Don’t You Call More?”
This is generally based on love and a lack of connection, and may appear to be guilt. Working, relationship-building adult children who have the responsibility of raising kids might think that they are being judged instead of just being invited to speak.
“I Know What’s Best”
Parents are the experienced ones, but children who are adults desire independence. This expression will make them feel that their judgment is not taken seriously.
“That’s Not How We Did It”
Times change. Parenting styles, occupation and way of life is changing. When repeated, this makes adult kids feel that their decisions are not legitimate even when the situations are not similar at all.
“Are You Sure About That?”
Although it can prove to be defensive, the incessant questioning can be perceived as skepticism toward their decision-making capabilities. Adult children seek assurance, and not doubt.
“You’re Too Sensitive”
This is able to disregard sentiments rather than tackling them. When the emotions are described but not interpreted, adult children can feel that they are not heard.
“You’ll Understand Someday”
It may be taken as an act of kindness but it is condescending. Adult children might have a feeling that their present outlook is not being taken seriously.
“Everyone Else Is Doing Fine”
Comparisons can sting. It may even be unwitting but it can be like personal struggles are not being recognized.
“I’m Just Trying to Help”
Unsolicited advice could be invasive, yet it is welcome. Adult children like a supportive environment that is not imposing.
